Old. What the hell is old? To a teenager or person in their early twenties, early thirties are old. To people in their early thirties and up, typically old means, like 90's.
So when I talk about my discovery of signs that you're now old, I'm merely referring to being older than whatever age or age bracket that last made you feel young. Yeah...you're older than that.
Here's a few reasons how ya know:
1. You're tired:
I'm talking wiped the F out. You worked all week and can't decide on going to a sick concert or going to bed on a Friday night? Ummm...old. Old AND lame so kudos for the double whammy there.
2. Your eyelids:
When your applying eyeshadow and the skin on your eyelid moves around instead of being firm and taut? Yep. On your way to Oldsville.
3. Crows Feet:
I remember one time not long ago, I was plucking my eyebrows. There were a few stubborn bastids at the lower end of my brows that I just couldn't grab. I'm like wtf, why can't I pluck you?? Ohhhh that's right, it wasn't hairs...it was wrinkles. I ended up with bloody pock marks and a state of depression. Old.
4. Ya can't tell how old people are:
Wtf. Kids that are in college look like they're eleven. Seriously. I was just watching a segment on TV about rival college football teams and they had these cute little cheerleaders and players smiling away and throwing up the #1 finger sign. Yeah. Then you turn into the #1 creeper when you realize you shouldn't think the 20-year-old quarterback is cute. I just thought he was a young looking 30-year-old. Awkward. Oh.....and old.
5. You get excited about old people shit:
Yesssssssss!!! The vacuum I wanted is on friggin sale, bingo's goin' down tonight and zip lock baggies are two for one?! Holllllaaaaaaa!! Like for real, some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. You may have set out for a pair of heels (in case you have a date night in the next ten years) but instead you come home with a coat rack and a welcome mat. Congrats, you won the old as shit lottery.
6. You consider late early:
Remember when you didn't go out until 11:30 and you stayed up till 5 then worked the next day? Yeahhhhhhh about that. Now your ass needs to be in bed by 9:30 so you can soak the corns on your feet and exfoliate the old off your face. I keep thinking I can recover from staying out late the night before but let's be real. Nope. Old.
7. Music :
I've said it before and I'll say it again: you're never too old for the tunes you love. Rap, hip hop, R&B, rock...whatever it is, I believe you should always rock the shit out of it. It just becomes weird when people half your age know the same tunage. This may actually be one of the only instances where you feel old but in actuality you hold the front runner torch. Young ones? Stand back, watch, and learn. Mama knew about this shit waaaaaaaay before the gangnam style. Old? Neverrrrrrrrr.
Look, we define what's old and what isn't at the end of the day but we can't deny the social acceptance of what "they" say is old. It's always about" THEY".
Between social media and our kids or friend's kids, time changes us. It's inevitable.
In my opinion, though, just go with it and embrace when we have the ability to say people are just " too young" and when we are what we all ultimately deny in life: getting old. Old ain't nothing but a state of mind, anyway, right??
Yup. That's what I choose to believe. Who's with me?
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