The Logan Chronicles : Sleep is for Sissies

Today on The Logan Chronicles,  we discuss Logan's two-day strike against a nap before daycare.  If you have children,  you know or remember how much of a bitch it can be to get your little bugger to take a nap.  My son will literally do everything in his power to avoid giving into the sleep fairies even though most of the fight he puts up is when he's half asleep.

                   Exhibit  A: The Headstand

This move typically occurs when he is absolutely exhausted,  damn near passes out on my chest or crook of my arm (usually on the couch) ,  but then suddenly decides he has sick skills and jumps up to showcase his downward dog while moving his butt up and down.  Think of a drunk person trying to convince themselves they have it in them to dance to one more song or can totally still do a cartwheel or another shot. No...no you can't. Shhhhh, just go to sleep.  

Exhibit B: The Spin and Smile 

I work evenings in a hospital so the ole,  "sleep when the baby sleeps"  is something I attempt to do with my son whenever I'm able.  Once we settle down for a co-nap in Mom and Dad's  bed,  usually we are quick to enter dream land; in the above picture, however, Logan presented one of his other sleep avoidances known as the spin and smile. This pic was taken right after he spun around five times like a puppy, smushed his face into the pillow, and faked like he was sleeping for about 30 seconds. Then, like a jack in a box, he sprung up and smiled. Usually,  his eyes are shut when he does this one because he's so close to caving in to nigh nights.  I find this to be his odd way of trying to convince me he is way too cute to slumber.  Dude,  you are pretty friggin' cute,  but really???! 

There were other fillers in between Logan's antics that were not so cute.  He pulled his own hair,  threw his bottle,  and cried and screamed in protest. I,  too,  then pulled my own hair and cried.  Just take a friggin' nap!  

But then these two thoughts ran through my head: 1. I'd be pissed,  too,  if someone tried to make me nap, and 2. My son was having way more fun doing his headstands and his spin and smiles.  He simply wasn't feelin' a nap and even though there's reprocussions later in the day when he doesn't ( like he can get very grouchy. Duh. ) ,  my kid wanted to play with me instead. Being up and silly was making him happy and I only get a couple hours to play before we head to daycare and work. Not to mention very few years that he's going to even want to choose his Mom over other more exciting things. 

Wow,  did I just really conclude that at least I'm more fun than sleep?  Ehhh..... I don't know what to make of that.  Haha. Anywaaaayyy....    

So today I thank my son,  Logan Michael, for showing me that sometimes we need to say  screw the nap and bring on the toys.  We aren't promised tomorrow so let's have some fun today and sleep later:)  XOXO. 

Calm down, anxiety! Jeez.

What the hell is this CHEST pain? Like, seriously, I just woke up and haven't even went to the bathroom yet and my chest hurts.  My arm seems to be going numb, too, but I guess I am lying on it. Ugh, whatever, I have to get the baby changed and in his high hair for breakfast, I reallllly don't have time for cardiac arrest right now. Maybe later. 

Wow, the baby did surprisingly well eating the little dissolvable puffs we got for him, I'm surprised. I really don't like him eating those things, but he hasn't really---oh my god, your choking, he's CHOKING!!!! Come here, bud, Mommy's gonna save you! Just a few good slaps between the shoulder blades and you'll be just fine--aaaaaaaaand now your laughing, he's laughing. Phew. Ok I can exit out of the Emergency Dialer screen on my phone now, I guess.  

These are just small examples of the way my anxious brain functions a lot of the time. Having anxiety sucks and unless you have it, like most things, you won't really understand.  You worry and you worry ALOT and it can get pretty exhausting. I mean, your talking about a woman that can't help but check her child frequently at night to make sure he's breathing and a woman who thinks a simple cold is surely Malaria.  That takes work, man.  Work.  

As embarrassing (yet often comical) as it can be to discuss anxiety, I feel like it isn't taken as seriously as it should be which is why I decided to speak up about it here on my page.  People will tell you to calm down, take deep breaths....it'll be ok. Riiiiiight. Tell that to an anxious person, that's a smart plan.  Let me know how it works out for ya. No, we need distraction, facts, reassurance that what we THINK is going on isn't or at least not to the degree that we are taking it to.  Then maybe we can take those deep breaths.  Maybe.

Anxiety can tie in with other things that can make handling it even more of a challenge.  Hypochondria ( omg, this zit is totally skin cancer) and obsessive compulsions ( wait, I have to drive home and make sure the iron is OFF. So what if I didn't iron anything, don't question me!!) are two anxious provoking woes that I deal with often. Typically, once these crazy thoughts subside, looking at them rationally and realizing how silly and unnecessary that panic attack just was becomes easier somehow. You may even chuckle it it.

Here's the thing: at the end of the day, you just have to laugh at yourself. I mean everyone else is, right? I'm kidding. No, seriously, were they all just talking about me when I walked by? Nope , just being paranoid! Anyway, if you suffer from anxiety, you are not alone and I'm here to tell you that. It's a real disorder and it can feel like sooo many other things are happening during a panic attack ( revert back to possible cardiac arrest mentioned above) which makes it very scary. Although there's typically a reason one gets anxious, we don't always see it coming and it can definitely come at inopportune or even relaxed moments.  Real convenient, right?

If there's people around, my best advice is to dance around laughing manically during an anxiety/panic attack and announce that things should be back to normal in about fifteen minutes. Yeah, no, don't do that. Just chill, think of the people that make you the happiest in this crazy world and force a smile. Imagine them there to calm you down or to tell you something really funny or better yet, call them! If it's a "happy place" that you prefer, by all means go there, even if it's only figuratively speaking. Believe it or not, we CAN control our anxious moments with a little bit of practice and the ability to find a little bit of funny in a not so funny situation ;). 

Squeaky Red Nose Phobia

I hate clowns, ok? I feel like such an epic fail as a mother even saying that because I just KNOW my son is going to grow up and be like, " Hey, Mom...I totes want a clown party", and I'm gonna be all like, " umm, yeah no." Then tears will flow, my son will resent me and grow up to be none other than-you guessed it- a circus clown. Sigh.

So it all started when I was, oh, maybe nine. I used to love watching this show on Nickelodeon where they told spooky ghost stories around a campfire and...wait, what the hell happened to that show? It was actually a really good show. Hmmm, I should Google that. Anyway,there was one episode about a clown that was trapped inside this funhouse with a bunch of kids. He was not a nice clown. I thankfully don't remember every detail of the episode, I just know that that was the beginning of my desires to be a clown slayer. Figuratively speaking.

I grew older, I'd say around thirteen, when my second horrifying clown encounter debuted in my young life. I was at a slumber party and us happy, peppy, bubble-gum-chewing gals were debating over which scary movies we should rent. Some mentioned the Halloween flicks, Chucky, Freddy...the usual classic choices. Then I heard someone say, "well how about 'It' by Stephen King?" I knew who the infamous author was back then but I had not heard of this particular movie adaptation nor the book.

I'm not certain if it was the voice, the teeth, the eyes or...yeah....I'll go with all of those things that literally made me cry with fear after seeing that movie. I had already decided to break up my relationship with clowns from watching the campfire show as a kid and now....now I was swearing a life long allegiance to boycott their existence altogether. Well played, by the way Mr. King, well played. You scared many children.

So here I sit. 30 years old and still afraid of clowns. Quite pathetic, I'm aware of that, but I just can't love them like I did when I was real little. I've tried to come to terms with, oh, maybe a hobo clown? They're usually funny with that squirting flower routine. Yeah, no. Not even them. I've tried  attending public places where clowns and humans gather like Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights in Florida and a local amusement park here in New England. Nah, still couldn't invite one out for a beer. Ha.

I'm confident I'll get over it. I know I'm not the only one out there afraid of these wise guys, but I still need some time to mull it over. Fact of the matter is, if a clown lost consciousness...ok I'd help it out ( no pun intended with the It) with some CPR or at least call quietly for help. If my son wanted a clown party, by all means Mommy would totally plan one and would never give the clown the wrong address to the party. No sir! Kidding, kidding.

Like I said, I'll get over it. In the interim, they should totally come up with a Game of Clowns series so I can audition for that Clown Slayer role..... ;)