Signs You're Old

Old.  What the hell is old?  To a teenager or person in their early twenties,  early thirties are old.  To people in their early thirties and up,  typically old means,  like 90's.

So when I talk about my discovery of signs that you're now old,  I'm merely referring to being older than whatever age or age bracket that last made you feel young.  Yeah...you're older than that.

Here's a few reasons how ya know:

1. You're tired:

I'm talking wiped the F out.  You worked all week and can't decide on going to a sick concert or going to bed on a Friday night?  Ummm...old. Old AND lame so kudos for the double whammy there.

2. Your eyelids:

When your applying eyeshadow and the skin on your eyelid moves around instead of being firm and taut?  Yep.  On your way to Oldsville.

3. Crows Feet:

I remember one time not long ago,  I was plucking my eyebrows.  There were a few stubborn bastids at the lower end of my brows that I just couldn't grab.  I'm like wtf,  why can't I pluck you?? Ohhhh that's right,  it wasn't hairs...it was wrinkles. I ended up with bloody pock marks and a state of depression.  Old.

4. Ya can't tell how old people are:

Wtf.  Kids that are in college look like they're eleven. Seriously.  I was just watching a segment on TV about rival college football teams and they had these cute little cheerleaders and players smiling away and throwing up the #1 finger sign.  Yeah.  Then you turn into the #1 creeper when you realize you shouldn't think the 20-year-old quarterback is cute. I just thought he was a young looking 30-year-old. Awkward.  Oh.....and old.

5. You get excited about old people shit:

Yesssssssss!!!  The vacuum I wanted is on friggin sale,  bingo's goin' down tonight and zip lock baggies are two for one?!  Holllllaaaaaaa!!  Like for real,  some of you know exactly what I'm talking about.  You may have set out for a pair of heels (in case you have a date night in the next ten years) but instead you come home with a coat rack and a welcome mat.  Congrats,  you won the old as shit lottery. 

6. You consider late early:

Remember when you didn't go out until 11:30 and you stayed up till 5 then worked the next day?  Yeahhhhhhh about that.  Now your ass needs to be in bed by 9:30 so you can soak the corns on your feet and exfoliate the old off your face.  I keep thinking I can recover from staying out late the night before but let's be real.  Nope.  Old.

7. Music :

I've said it before and I'll say it again: you're never too old for the tunes you love.  Rap,  hip hop, R&B,  rock...whatever it is,  I believe you should always rock the shit out of it.  It just becomes weird when people half your age know the same tunage. This may actually be one of the only instances where you feel old but in actuality you hold the front runner torch.  Young ones?  Stand back,  watch,  and learn.  Mama knew about this shit waaaaaaaay before the gangnam style. Old?  Neverrrrrrrrr.

Look, we define what's old and what isn't at the end of the day but we can't deny the social acceptance of what "they"  say is old. It's always about" THEY".

Between social media and our kids or friend's kids,  time changes us. It's inevitable.
In my opinion, though, just go with it and embrace when we have the ability to say people are just " too young"  and when we are what we all ultimately deny in life: getting old.  Old ain't nothing but a state of mind,  anyway,  right?? 

Yup.  That's what I choose to believe. Who's with me?

Remember the Christmas Magic?

Ah.  My son is asleep.  Kinda.  I keep hearing faint cries from his crib in the distance every so often,  but he should be dreaming shortly.

Just kidding,  he's crying loudly now. Ugh. ** Palm to forehead**.

My husband is playing some video games in the other room and I decided I shall sit here and watch a Christmas movie full of good cheer,  damnit!

While scrolling to find a jolly ole holiday movie,  I come across The Shawshank Redemption.  Seriously?  Ah yes,  I suppose nothing says Christmas like some sweet prison brutality and some shanks made out of old toothbrushes. 

Great movie,  but I keep scrolling.

Something is missing; I contemplate a beer.  Nah,  I don't feel like a beer.  That's weird I always feel like a beer.

Cookies out of the oven,  though?  Yeah I just ate six of those little delicious bastids.

Then,  as if reading my Christmas thirsty mind,  I see The Santa Clause is coming on.  I friggin' love this movie (it's legit on right now) just like I love Christmas Vacation and Home Alone and It's a Wonderful Life and all the other notorious Christmas movies.  It makes me think how long I've been watching these flicks.  I would say close to my whole life most of them have been around and they're still able to induce the same holiday warm and fuzziness as they did when I was a kid.  They trigger memories and bring me right back to those moments in time.

It's kinda sad how the holiday experience differs from childhood to adulthood.  Things were so damn magical,  ya know?

I remember thinking how cool it would be if I could catch Santa leaving gifts under the tree and eating my cookies (thanks Mom and Dad for eating the cookies) . I remember looking at all the lights on our house as if they were the entry to some magical Kingdom. When my Dad would string all those gigantic old school colored bulbs up on the tree I used to lie underneath it and stare up into the colors.  I pictured Chip and Dale chasing each other around the branches and ornaments like they did in the Mickey Mouse movies.  Never did see them though; guess I was kind of a weird kid.

I totally miss when my Dad would pull me behind him on my orange sled and we would go out into the back fields and into the woods on adventures at night. It was cold and it was probably pretty damn hard on my Dad's back,  but with a little laughter and hot chocolate....maybe spiked with rum for Pops...we had a super awesome time.  It was even cooler when the snow would actually fall while we were out there; honestly,  I still hear the crunch of my Dad's feet against the snow. 

I remember family trips to the pond for ice skating,  Mom's spritz cookies, going to look at lights in the neighborhoods,  and even Dad cutting down our own Christmas tree just like the Griswolds in Christmas Vacation.  Yeah....we were and still are a lot like the Griswolds.  Hahahahaha...such a true story.

Anyway,  Christmas was just the most kick ass thing ever.  Everything was exciting and wonderous and I'm so pumped to watch my son experience those same feelings as he grows up.

Watching these movies that have brought me joy for so many years is incredibly nostalgic and it makes me want to bring it all back in anyway that I can.

Why not believe in Santa as a grown up? Who says ya can't lie under the Christmas tree at 5"8 ft tall?  I mean let's not forget the magic we felt as kids because there's no rule that says we have to!! 

I can't wait to make new memories and traditions with my son for the holidays and I hope I can incorporate some of the memories from my childhood as well. 

I don't know if my Dad could still pull me on a sled these days but I'll never forget the days he could....

So cheers to holiday movies that make you feel warm and rejuvenate some magical memories. 

I'm going to lie under the Christmas tree now and wait for Chip and Dale....

Xoxo