The Logan Chronicles: Prison Break

 On this episode of TLC, a look into the newly discovered ability to high tail it outta dodge is examined. 

I decided yesterday that it was time to decorate for Christmas so I went down to the basement to grab the decorations.  My husband rigged the gating system we have for my son and attached it to the wall so he has a ton of room to run and play instead of being confined to the UFC looking octagon. 

So far it has worked fine.

Until now.

I started to put up some Santas and glittery trees and went into the kitchen to grab another couple of items for display.  I notice while I'm in there that I hear footsteps going up my stairs....

OK, Lauren,  your losin' it,  I think to myself.  No one was even home to be trotting up the stairs....except my son.

Omg, MY SON!!!!!  wtf!!!

I no sooner thought it and heard footsteps above my head pitter-pattering around real quick-like.  I flew through the dining room,  Olympic style hurdled over the first gate then ran through the living room and gold medaled that shit over the second one and up the stairs. 

There he was,  in my bedroom and about to close the door in my face looking like he was half amused with himself and half confused by my likely bugged out eyes and inability to breathe from my quick athletic affair.  He started to sputter some baby jibberish to defend his case; I was absolutely terrified. I'm pretty sure my heart rate has never been that high in my life.

Dude...how did he get out of the living room??! I was in the kitchen a minute at best and I didn't even hear a struggle out there at all!  He had to have pre-meditited his escape,  I mean,  that took some planning and it was seriously close to ninja status. 

I was totally freaked out and wanted to know how he did it so I went in the dining room to spy. After about a fifteen seconds or so, he ran over to the gate and was doing this:

                                  

Little crazy man actually bent the damn gate almost flat so he could do some kind of a SWAT move and jet over the side! Ugh, I thought about the fact that he could have fallen down the stairs or gotten into something upstairs had I not gotten to him quick enough. I was so thankful that I had the Olympic training to reach him in time. Whew. Ok, I'm trying to make light of the situation because sometimes that's all you can do, right?!! So scary.

Strangely, he didn't try to do this again, but I'm definitley not convinced that he won't. I can't believe how smart and bigger and taller he has gotten and pretty soon he is going to be able to just step right over the gate, get married, move away and be out of my life forever!!!!! Alright, alright I'm being dramatic but that's what it feels like! I know kids climb out of their cribs and car seats and all that crap I just didn't think my son was anywhere near that stage where he was actually thinking of trying it. It just goes to show how fast these little people grow! Wish he would slow down and stay little forev.

So today I thank my son, Logan Michael, for showing me how quick your little feet and brain work!

I'm thinking a prison high fence and armed guards might be in store next for my little dude, jeez...

Love ya, bud. Thanks for the heart attack. Xoxo.

Cray Cray Toddler Status

Holy shit.
The toddler phase has commenced.

I love my barely one -year -old son more than anything in this world but, dude, he has recently started to become a little bit of a crazy animal. I know, I know...all kids are crazy animals but I am a new mom and I didn't know they started tantrums and testing your patience quite this early.

We started out this windy ass Sunday by heading to Walmart to get some groceries and a couple other tid bits ( including diapers...9 dollar a bag diapers...Jesus). My son was behaving pretty well minus him deciding he was too cool to sit with his feet through the cart. He just had to sit sideways with one arm up like a grown man watching sports on the couch would do. He was safe and not trying to jump out so we let him do it, whatever. We strolled down several aisles both getting things we needed and checking out things we want to get at some point in the future ( like a really badass, giant TV) when the whining started. No big deal, I gave him a snack and he was happy like he usually is. Low and behold, he began to showcase his crooked smile indicating he was about to do something he shouldn't do, looked me directly in the eyes and threw his snack on the floor.  Immediately following the suicide of the snack, my little guy let out an ever popular, "uh-oh".  Exhibit A of the above noted "trying your patience" bit right there. He knew it was wrong and he knew I wouldn't like it but he wanted to see if he could get away with it. I told him no and not to throw his snacks and took them away for the remainder of the shopping trip. Cue crying.

Once we got home, my husband and I did some couch lounging while browsing on our electronic devices and getting down on the floor and playing with the baby. I decided to push him around on his little toy train as he giggled with glee while we did several laps around the living room. Once mommy was out of breath and decided to stop, his mouth opened wide, his eyes shut and the silent cry before the loud cry took over his face. I felt bad but jeez, buddy, mommy was sweating! We then proceeded to play peek a boo and tickle monster and other silly games all of which he had a zero tolerance for stopping them without crying in disappointment. He would have, indeed, stayed happy if I would have continuously entertained him!

The rest if the day was just a further affirmation that my little man is on his way to getting into absolutely everything regardless of whether he could get hurt or whether something could get ruined or broken. Turning my back for one moment or not being within his reach allowed him to grab and toss my iPad and cell phone, pull and bend the curtain rod ( luckily we could bend it back!), and let's not mention the 700 trips on and off the couch to try and sneak a sip or a grab of my seltzer water. The part I find the hardest is that even though you have to tell your kids no and you need to redirect them away from doing things they shouldn't, they are so friggin cute that it makes it hard to stay upset for long!

Oye.

It's that time of empty bottles being thrown, food being spit out, and Cheerios ending up in your hair, that is for certain. I knew these days were coming, but I think all you can really do is buckle up for the ride!!