And so I present you with the ever popular, yet not understood unless you experience it, phrase that you hear from new mothers: the day my child was born was the greatest day of my life. It's true, so very true. What is also true, however, is that I only remember portions of the greatest day of my life as it was also the most painful and terrifying experience I have endured to date!
I went into see my OB GYN only to find out that my amniotic fluid was extremely low and I needed to get to the hospital right away. Now being 41 weeks pregnant at this point, I knew the day would come where I would actually give birth, but it got way too real way too quick. Wait, something of what size was going to come out of where? I'm going to do this, like, now at this very moment? Surely there is time, he can wait a little longer...say, a few more months? No, a few more months he would certainly reach at least 20 pounds and that would really hurt. Ok, now is the time, I suppose.
I was started on Pitocin right away once I reached my delivery room to get my contractions going. Contractions. Those were a real treat, too. I remember thinking so many times at work and at home that I was feeling one and I didn't believe all my friends and co-workers that said, " oh trust me, you'll know when your having them". Hmm, right you were, my friends, right you were. I was in no way feeling anything resembling a real contraction until I was started on the Pitocin drip. At first, I said to the nurse, " Oh, there's a contraction! That's not so bad!". She looked at me and smiled clearly thinking, " How cute". My nonchalant way of dealing with the "not so bad" contractions would soon be typical of the woman in the movies yelling, "give me the drugs, now!!".
This all began at 10:00 in the morning so by the afternoon, I become quite uncomfortable. My nurses were fantastic and even assisted me in getting into the tub to try and relieve my pain. It was helpful, but not enough. My husband fueled himself on coffee and was there every step of the way holding my hand and reassuring me that everything would be alright. Seeing how my entire pregnancy I was completely off my rocker, I was very thankful that he was able to be so supportive even after the many times I threatened his life just for looking at me funny. Sorry, honey.
Anyway, 11:00 that night I received the epidural injection finally. I know some of you may be thinking how much of a wuss I am for taking the drugs, but I was not doing well at trying to champ it out and stay strong. The doctor ordered me to get some sleep once things started to become a bit numb, but as one could imagine, I really wasn't able to get much shut eye. I thought about whether the baby was okay in there, I thought about whether he would come out with all of his fingers and toes, I thought about whether I was ready to do this ( a little late for that thought, however).
By 5:30 the next morning, the pushing began. I am still unsure if the epidural just wore off or what, but I felt everything. I shook, I vomited, I hyperventilated to the point of needing an oxygen mask and as my husband stroked my hair and kissed my forehead, I began letting anxiety take me over. I told him I would miss him and to take care of the baby as I was surely going to die right then and there. He assured me I wouldn't but I was not convinced. With every contraction and every push, I felt like everything inside of me was trying to turn itself inside out. My son was sunny side up as they like to call it which meant the he was trying to come out face up instead of down. This causes a more difficult descent under the pubic bone during delivery but, thankfully, he was able to be turned the proper way. Whew! One less thing to worry about, right?
Three and a half hours later my son made his entry into the world. After all the Hollywood screaming I did, using a mirror down below for pushing motivation ( quite the sight), letting a student nurse into the room to watch the delivery, and going through several puke bags, I finally held his warm-skinned little body against my chest. Through the tears, I remember my first words to him being, " hello, my little baby". I swear he smiled then.
There was pain, there was fear, there was joy, there was astonishment. There was life. A little man that I sang to, poked at, worried about, and loved for nine months was finally here. It is true that this was the moment I decided that it was the greatest day of my life and that I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
We are all different, our experiences are unique to our own lives and my labor and delivery was definitely one for the books .Many people tried to sugar coat labor to me as they didn't want to frighten me. As much as I appreciate that, I think it is important to acknowledge all of the different things that come along with it and that it's okay to be afraid. Your giving birth to a human that changes your body and exits from an area that geometrically makes no sense. Hello! Totally acceptable to be terrified, my friends. So if any mommy's to be are reading this, just know that yes, it is painful and scary.The most important thing, however, is knowing that it is worth every second of hard work when you see your little angel for the first time and feel their breath on your skin. You got this.
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