Tip of the Day:

"If not now,  when?"

Courtesy of my food addiction post,  I encourage myself and others to ask this question whenever there is something your afraid to do or something you keep putting off.  We aren't getting any younger,  people. Do it NOW!  :)

Dealing with Food Addiction-The Struggle is Real

My name is Lauren, and I'm a food-a-holic.
 Whew. Thank God I got that off my chest, it's been EATING away at me for some time now. Haha.

 
Yeah, anyway. All lame jokes aside, I really do have an issue with food. I'm not an overweight woman but I am not a 110 pound woman either. Kinda lost in that weird fifth dimension of whether I'm considered a skinny person or not. I like to call it The Thigh-Light Zone. Ba dum chhhh.

 But really, I have struggled with dieting and exercise for a very, very long time. It's my kangaroo pouch that I can't seem to get rid of, the rest of me I am ok with. The good news is that I usually keep trying one way or another, but the bad news is that I have yet to see the results I want. I know, I'm obviously not trying as hard as I could. It's hella hard for me to give up the salty foods and the fried foods and the dips and the chips even though I know they are doing nothing for my health or waistline. It's truly like I'm a drug addict that feels guilty about using once I am done eating bad food. I mean, do I need some sort of intervention?

 So as if the things I crave aren't bad enough, I over eat. Yup, overeating is the real demon in the situation. It doesn't matter if I am full or not, either, if there is something out on the table or in the breakroom at work that I enjoy, I eat it. It's almost as if I feel like I'm missing out on something if I don't take one of those cookies or have seconds of the mashed potatoes. I suppose this is all a prime example of stress eating, or binge eating, or eating your real feelings or some shit like that, but, whatever it is....the struggle is real.

 So let's examine whether some of the reasons for food addiction would solve or not solve the issue at hand:


 1. Stress Eating: Now why the HELL would someone turn to food when they are stressed out?? Especially if they are stressed out about being overweight or being unhealthy? I suppose the euphoria of a twinkie high or a carb fest would be a quick fix depending on the reason for stress, but at the end of it all...there's quite a bit of irony in the situation! It's like, I eat too many bad things which gives me zero energy to go to the gym. I'm going to sit here and eat this candy bar instead of taking that bike ride. What? I don't get it. If your stressed, try reading a book, or sitting outside, or dancing to some sweet tunes and shaking it off. There's always flicking the person that is stressing you out right in between the eyes or having a stiff drink. I'm just sayin' it could help, I ain't sayin' it's right. Don't judge me.


 2. Binge Eating: Well, if binge eating is anything like binge drinking, and I suspect it is, I can see how this one can make a little sense. You eat well all week, you go for walks, you hit the gym and pump some iron....so screw it! Come Friday, it's the friggin' weekend and I'm gonna have me some cake, pie, and fries! Cheat day, ya'll!! Oh and a big ass, calorie-infested martini. Shit, I can binge eat AND binge drink at the same time!! Now THAT is talent, folks. I totally believe if your going to diet, you should have cheat days or it will result in an epic fail. Maybe try cheating at one out of the three meals instead of all of them? At least that way you get a little satisfaction without completely feeling like you've lost the battle to Captain Cholesterol and Sargent Sugar Pants.

 3. Eating Your Real Feelings: Now, I don't know about this one. I guess you can cover up how depressed you are by eating something comforting, but what about other feelings and emotions? I can tell you right now, if I'm angry? I'm not about to stuff a cheeseburger down my throat with a side of onion rings to deal with it. Can you imagine a pissed off person at a red light next to you screaming at someone on their cell phone while they pop skittles into their mouth or wolf down a foot long?
 " Screw you, A-Hole! I gotta whole bag of candy and some pork, I'm a mad woman!!!!" Bah! that'd be hilarious, though, I'm just sayin'.

 So look, food addiction is real and so is laziness. Yes, we are all busy with work, or school, the kids, or whatnot; but the motto I have been trying repeatedly to live by is if not now, when? Seriously, when are we ( yes, WE, myself included) going to get it together and choose the salad over the chicken fingers ( Mmmm, my fave) and the walk over the nap and the gym over the happy hour? Whoa...well I don't know about skipping the happy hour, but I mean if we don't dedicate ourselves to being healthy and getting to look the way we want to now, then when the hell will we? We won't. It's hard, and I'm here to tell you I'm with ya. I get it. All we can do is keep trying and know that we aren't alone in the food struggle and lazy coma, there are others out there. Tomorrow is a new day. For now...I shall sit and eat my Whoppers in peace as I picture myself by next summer in a tiny, little bikini and a wash board stomach..... It'll happen. Right??.......

Cray Cray Toddler Status

Holy shit.
The toddler phase has commenced.

I love my barely one -year -old son more than anything in this world but, dude, he has recently started to become a little bit of a crazy animal. I know, I know...all kids are crazy animals but I am a new mom and I didn't know they started tantrums and testing your patience quite this early.

We started out this windy ass Sunday by heading to Walmart to get some groceries and a couple other tid bits ( including diapers...9 dollar a bag diapers...Jesus). My son was behaving pretty well minus him deciding he was too cool to sit with his feet through the cart. He just had to sit sideways with one arm up like a grown man watching sports on the couch would do. He was safe and not trying to jump out so we let him do it, whatever. We strolled down several aisles both getting things we needed and checking out things we want to get at some point in the future ( like a really badass, giant TV) when the whining started. No big deal, I gave him a snack and he was happy like he usually is. Low and behold, he began to showcase his crooked smile indicating he was about to do something he shouldn't do, looked me directly in the eyes and threw his snack on the floor.  Immediately following the suicide of the snack, my little guy let out an ever popular, "uh-oh".  Exhibit A of the above noted "trying your patience" bit right there. He knew it was wrong and he knew I wouldn't like it but he wanted to see if he could get away with it. I told him no and not to throw his snacks and took them away for the remainder of the shopping trip. Cue crying.

Once we got home, my husband and I did some couch lounging while browsing on our electronic devices and getting down on the floor and playing with the baby. I decided to push him around on his little toy train as he giggled with glee while we did several laps around the living room. Once mommy was out of breath and decided to stop, his mouth opened wide, his eyes shut and the silent cry before the loud cry took over his face. I felt bad but jeez, buddy, mommy was sweating! We then proceeded to play peek a boo and tickle monster and other silly games all of which he had a zero tolerance for stopping them without crying in disappointment. He would have, indeed, stayed happy if I would have continuously entertained him!

The rest if the day was just a further affirmation that my little man is on his way to getting into absolutely everything regardless of whether he could get hurt or whether something could get ruined or broken. Turning my back for one moment or not being within his reach allowed him to grab and toss my iPad and cell phone, pull and bend the curtain rod ( luckily we could bend it back!), and let's not mention the 700 trips on and off the couch to try and sneak a sip or a grab of my seltzer water. The part I find the hardest is that even though you have to tell your kids no and you need to redirect them away from doing things they shouldn't, they are so friggin cute that it makes it hard to stay upset for long!

Oye.

It's that time of empty bottles being thrown, food being spit out, and Cheerios ending up in your hair, that is for certain. I knew these days were coming, but I think all you can really do is buckle up for the ride!!

The Variations of Life and Lauren: 15 Things a Mother Cant Deny!!

The Variations of Life and Lauren: 15 Things a Mother Cant Deny!!: Becoming a parent is a blessing, it's a true story. So many things change and most of those changes are actually quite comical. You fin...

15 Things a Mother Cant Deny!!

Becoming a parent is a blessing, it's a true story. So many things change and most of those changes are actually quite comical. You find yourself doing things in a totally different way and thinking in a totally different sequence. Now that I'm a Mom, naturally, some of the following have come into play, I'm sure some can relate:

1. I know every theme song to every kids show on every kids network. I sing them periodically throughout the day. At really inopportune times, might I add, like in the beer aisle in the grocery store.
2. I instantaneously lick my thumb and wipe my child's caked up face JUST like my mother used to do. Ugh, seriously.
3. Peek a boo has become such a part of my daily routine I often end up playing it with myself in the mirror while I do my make up.
4. Baby talk and really odd baby pet names have made their way into everyday conversation with adults such as my husband and co-workers.
5. I have more diapers in my purse then I do blush or lipstick.
6. Diaper wipes are my new go-to item for everything in my home. Sinks, in lieu of toilet paper, make up remover, counters....I love the crap out of those things!
7. I can now shampoo, wash up and shave in 2.5 seconds flat.
8. I clap and say YAYYYYYY not only when my son does something new or correctly but also when I do something new or correctly.
9. My idea of a Friday night on the town is out to Wal-Mart to get Desitin and a gallon of milk. I usually dress up for that.
10. I've learned to sleep in a hyper aware state and know when my son makes any sort of movement.  It's kinda ninja-esque.
11. I sometimes still wear my nursing bra even though I'm no longer breastfeeding. Comfort trumps sexy most days.
12.  Speaking of sexy,  my stretch marks are - - nope,  that's the end of that sentence.  Stretch marks. 
13. Sometimes laughing too hard has its consequences.  You either get that one or you don't. 
14. I am now pretty sure I could enter a one handed diaper changing contest if it ever became a thing. Is that thing? It should be a thing.

15. I perform the lift -and -smell my son's bum routine without a seconds thought regardless of where I am or who I'm around.

Oh man. These are only a few of the things I've noted since being a mom among the million. Like I said...I find most of these adjustments funny and I am excited to see all the other adaptations that pop up along the way!

And tonight, I return.

I love writing and I love reading other people's writing,  but let's face it :sometimes we don't have time to read or write.  Well,  besides writing checks and reading bills,  that is. We moved in the beginning of September and I have been completely and totally preoccupied with getting our new place together.  Not there yet,  by any means,  but I'm finally in a place where the hobbies I enjoy are creeping their way back into my routine.  Thus blogging!  Yay! 
Anyway, lots to discuss but for now I just wanted to acknowledge my time away and announce I will be resuming my random posts effective immediately for your reading pleasure!
Now off to catch some zzz's as I did not get to nap today.  Ha!  How old am I again?? 

Calm down, anxiety! Jeez.

What the hell is this CHEST pain? Like, seriously, I just woke up and haven't even went to the bathroom yet and my chest hurts.  My arm seems to be going numb, too, but I guess I am lying on it. Ugh, whatever, I have to get the baby changed and in his high hair for breakfast, I reallllly don't have time for cardiac arrest right now. Maybe later. 

Wow, the baby did surprisingly well eating the little dissolvable puffs we got for him, I'm surprised. I really don't like him eating those things, but he hasn't really---oh my god, your choking, he's CHOKING!!!! Come here, bud, Mommy's gonna save you! Just a few good slaps between the shoulder blades and you'll be just fine--aaaaaaaaand now your laughing, he's laughing. Phew. Ok I can exit out of the Emergency Dialer screen on my phone now, I guess.  

These are just small examples of the way my anxious brain functions a lot of the time. Having anxiety sucks and unless you have it, like most things, you won't really understand.  You worry and you worry ALOT and it can get pretty exhausting. I mean, your talking about a woman that can't help but check her child frequently at night to make sure he's breathing and a woman who thinks a simple cold is surely Malaria.  That takes work, man.  Work.  

As embarrassing (yet often comical) as it can be to discuss anxiety, I feel like it isn't taken as seriously as it should be which is why I decided to speak up about it here on my page.  People will tell you to calm down, take deep breaths....it'll be ok. Riiiiiight. Tell that to an anxious person, that's a smart plan.  Let me know how it works out for ya. No, we need distraction, facts, reassurance that what we THINK is going on isn't or at least not to the degree that we are taking it to.  Then maybe we can take those deep breaths.  Maybe.

Anxiety can tie in with other things that can make handling it even more of a challenge.  Hypochondria ( omg, this zit is totally skin cancer) and obsessive compulsions ( wait, I have to drive home and make sure the iron is OFF. So what if I didn't iron anything, don't question me!!) are two anxious provoking woes that I deal with often. Typically, once these crazy thoughts subside, looking at them rationally and realizing how silly and unnecessary that panic attack just was becomes easier somehow. You may even chuckle it it.

Here's the thing: at the end of the day, you just have to laugh at yourself. I mean everyone else is, right? I'm kidding. No, seriously, were they all just talking about me when I walked by? Nope , just being paranoid! Anyway, if you suffer from anxiety, you are not alone and I'm here to tell you that. It's a real disorder and it can feel like sooo many other things are happening during a panic attack ( revert back to possible cardiac arrest mentioned above) which makes it very scary. Although there's typically a reason one gets anxious, we don't always see it coming and it can definitely come at inopportune or even relaxed moments.  Real convenient, right?

If there's people around, my best advice is to dance around laughing manically during an anxiety/panic attack and announce that things should be back to normal in about fifteen minutes. Yeah, no, don't do that. Just chill, think of the people that make you the happiest in this crazy world and force a smile. Imagine them there to calm you down or to tell you something really funny or better yet, call them! If it's a "happy place" that you prefer, by all means go there, even if it's only figuratively speaking. Believe it or not, we CAN control our anxious moments with a little bit of practice and the ability to find a little bit of funny in a not so funny situation ;).