My 61 Bitchin' Bucket List Ideas

If you live paycheck to paycheck like I do, well....checking off the items on your bucket list isn't exactly an easy task. It's actually more like a joke, really. 

 Your all like, " Shit yeah, I am SO going to Vegas and Hawaii!" 

Then you look at your bank account and your all like, " Yeah, well you know....scratch tickets, a six pack and looking at Google images of Maui are cool, too, though so....that's cool. " 

Yeah. Super cool. Thumbs up, dude.

Anyway, we all have things we want to do, places we want to see and even people we want to meet before we, uhhh, 'kick the bucket' and I've decided to share some of my bucket list items. Chances are, some of these Bad Larry's are on YOUR list, too. Check it out and we can be day dream believers together!!

Your totally singing "Daydream Believer" in your head now, aren't cha? Mmm, hmm.

1. Eat some Swiss chocolate while traveling the Swiss Alps.

2. Travel to all 50 states.

3. Hear "California Love" by Tupac come on while dancing in a club while in California- Nuff said.

4. Swim with dolphins..

5. Be in a movie.

6. Go parasailing.

7. Hug a manatee.

8. Volunteer to help out with the Special Olympics.

9. Show Tom Hanks my Forrest Gump impression.

10. Learn to break dance.

11. Jump out of a birthday cake. 

12. Be a cartoon character. Or the voice of one, anyway. Ha.

13. See a show on Broadway.

14. Hang out and shoot the poop with Ellen Degeneres.

15. Save a life.

16. Float around a zero gravity chamber.

17. Not be too afraid to skydive.

18. Moonwalk on the moon ( clearly, entering space is easier than skydiving).

19. Go to Vegas and roll some dice. And win big.

20. Wear a lei in Hawaii.

21. Go to England and pretend I'm a bloody local and have a pint of lager.

22. Lie in a field of wicked cute puppies.

24. Swim in an edgeless pool.

25. Go to a Sandals or a Beaches resort.

26. Take the family to every single Disney and Universal theme park.

27. Learn to snowboard. 

28. See the Northern Lights.

29. Dive the Titanic wreckage site. 

30. Put my feet in every ocean on Earth

31. Poke around the alleged Area 51 for some aliens.

32. Take a ride on a bobsled.

33. Go on a safari.

34. Eat a Philly cheesesteak in Philly.

35. Go to the top of the Eiffel Tower and yell, "I'm the king of the worlddddddd!" 

36. Eat a piece of Big Red next to Big Ben. Yeah, I don't know why either.

37. Actually do something for a Klondike bar.

38. Drive a motorcycle. 

39. Sing and record some tunes in a recording studio.

40. Crowd surf.

41. Real life wave surf.

42. Ice fish inside an igloo.

43. Snorkel the Great Barrier Reef.

43. See a great white shark...from really far away.

44. Pet a tiger cub.

45. Put a diaper on a monkey and feed it a bottle.

46. Carve my initials in a red wood tree.

47. Eat an apple in an Apple Store.

48. See a tornado.....also from really far away.

49. Roll down the rolling hills of Scotland.

50. Hang glide.

51. Go on a cruise.

52. Ride on a Zamboni.

53. Lose 35 lbs. 

54. Spend Christmas in a snowed in cabin in the mountains.

55. Sip a rum runner on an exotic beach in Fiji.

56. Go on a helicopter ride.

57. See Mt. Everest. 

58. Walk the Great Wall of China.

59. Go white water rafting.

60. Go ghost hunting. Maybe. 

61. Host Saturday Night Live. 

Believe it or not, that's probably just half of the things I'd like to do, see, and enjoy in my lifetime. I don't want to have to have a terminal illness or near death experience to say to myself that I need to do these things. Being alive and having one life should be reason enough.

So I don't know about you, but I plan to work really hard to attain even the unattainable on my list and hope that I'm lucky enough to cross off a few things. 

Course, for most of them I need millions of dollars and a whole lot of time but hey, ya never know!

Cheers to dreaming big and emptying out our buckets!!!

Remember the Christmas Magic?

Ah.  My son is asleep.  Kinda.  I keep hearing faint cries from his crib in the distance every so often,  but he should be dreaming shortly.

Just kidding,  he's crying loudly now. Ugh. ** Palm to forehead**.

My husband is playing some video games in the other room and I decided I shall sit here and watch a Christmas movie full of good cheer,  damnit!

While scrolling to find a jolly ole holiday movie,  I come across The Shawshank Redemption.  Seriously?  Ah yes,  I suppose nothing says Christmas like some sweet prison brutality and some shanks made out of old toothbrushes. 

Great movie,  but I keep scrolling.

Something is missing; I contemplate a beer.  Nah,  I don't feel like a beer.  That's weird I always feel like a beer.

Cookies out of the oven,  though?  Yeah I just ate six of those little delicious bastids.

Then,  as if reading my Christmas thirsty mind,  I see The Santa Clause is coming on.  I friggin' love this movie (it's legit on right now) just like I love Christmas Vacation and Home Alone and It's a Wonderful Life and all the other notorious Christmas movies.  It makes me think how long I've been watching these flicks.  I would say close to my whole life most of them have been around and they're still able to induce the same holiday warm and fuzziness as they did when I was a kid.  They trigger memories and bring me right back to those moments in time.

It's kinda sad how the holiday experience differs from childhood to adulthood.  Things were so damn magical,  ya know?

I remember thinking how cool it would be if I could catch Santa leaving gifts under the tree and eating my cookies (thanks Mom and Dad for eating the cookies) . I remember looking at all the lights on our house as if they were the entry to some magical Kingdom. When my Dad would string all those gigantic old school colored bulbs up on the tree I used to lie underneath it and stare up into the colors.  I pictured Chip and Dale chasing each other around the branches and ornaments like they did in the Mickey Mouse movies.  Never did see them though; guess I was kind of a weird kid.

I totally miss when my Dad would pull me behind him on my orange sled and we would go out into the back fields and into the woods on adventures at night. It was cold and it was probably pretty damn hard on my Dad's back,  but with a little laughter and hot chocolate....maybe spiked with rum for Pops...we had a super awesome time.  It was even cooler when the snow would actually fall while we were out there; honestly,  I still hear the crunch of my Dad's feet against the snow. 

I remember family trips to the pond for ice skating,  Mom's spritz cookies, going to look at lights in the neighborhoods,  and even Dad cutting down our own Christmas tree just like the Griswolds in Christmas Vacation.  Yeah....we were and still are a lot like the Griswolds.  Hahahahaha...such a true story.

Anyway,  Christmas was just the most kick ass thing ever.  Everything was exciting and wonderous and I'm so pumped to watch my son experience those same feelings as he grows up.

Watching these movies that have brought me joy for so many years is incredibly nostalgic and it makes me want to bring it all back in anyway that I can.

Why not believe in Santa as a grown up? Who says ya can't lie under the Christmas tree at 5"8 ft tall?  I mean let's not forget the magic we felt as kids because there's no rule that says we have to!! 

I can't wait to make new memories and traditions with my son for the holidays and I hope I can incorporate some of the memories from my childhood as well. 

I don't know if my Dad could still pull me on a sled these days but I'll never forget the days he could....

So cheers to holiday movies that make you feel warm and rejuvenate some magical memories. 

I'm going to lie under the Christmas tree now and wait for Chip and Dale....

Xoxo

The Logan Chronicles: Prison Break

 On this episode of TLC, a look into the newly discovered ability to high tail it outta dodge is examined. 

I decided yesterday that it was time to decorate for Christmas so I went down to the basement to grab the decorations.  My husband rigged the gating system we have for my son and attached it to the wall so he has a ton of room to run and play instead of being confined to the UFC looking octagon. 

So far it has worked fine.

Until now.

I started to put up some Santas and glittery trees and went into the kitchen to grab another couple of items for display.  I notice while I'm in there that I hear footsteps going up my stairs....

OK, Lauren,  your losin' it,  I think to myself.  No one was even home to be trotting up the stairs....except my son.

Omg, MY SON!!!!!  wtf!!!

I no sooner thought it and heard footsteps above my head pitter-pattering around real quick-like.  I flew through the dining room,  Olympic style hurdled over the first gate then ran through the living room and gold medaled that shit over the second one and up the stairs. 

There he was,  in my bedroom and about to close the door in my face looking like he was half amused with himself and half confused by my likely bugged out eyes and inability to breathe from my quick athletic affair.  He started to sputter some baby jibberish to defend his case; I was absolutely terrified. I'm pretty sure my heart rate has never been that high in my life.

Dude...how did he get out of the living room??! I was in the kitchen a minute at best and I didn't even hear a struggle out there at all!  He had to have pre-meditited his escape,  I mean,  that took some planning and it was seriously close to ninja status. 

I was totally freaked out and wanted to know how he did it so I went in the dining room to spy. After about a fifteen seconds or so, he ran over to the gate and was doing this:

                                  

Little crazy man actually bent the damn gate almost flat so he could do some kind of a SWAT move and jet over the side! Ugh, I thought about the fact that he could have fallen down the stairs or gotten into something upstairs had I not gotten to him quick enough. I was so thankful that I had the Olympic training to reach him in time. Whew. Ok, I'm trying to make light of the situation because sometimes that's all you can do, right?!! So scary.

Strangely, he didn't try to do this again, but I'm definitley not convinced that he won't. I can't believe how smart and bigger and taller he has gotten and pretty soon he is going to be able to just step right over the gate, get married, move away and be out of my life forever!!!!! Alright, alright I'm being dramatic but that's what it feels like! I know kids climb out of their cribs and car seats and all that crap I just didn't think my son was anywhere near that stage where he was actually thinking of trying it. It just goes to show how fast these little people grow! Wish he would slow down and stay little forev.

So today I thank my son, Logan Michael, for showing me how quick your little feet and brain work!

I'm thinking a prison high fence and armed guards might be in store next for my little dude, jeez...

Love ya, bud. Thanks for the heart attack. Xoxo.

Give Thanks: Catch the Thankfulitis

How 'bout that snow, eh , guys?!!

It's  that time of year again to eat till your pants cause a serious pain in your lower abdomen and when naps are a must.  A time where people come together and bring odd dishes like jello molds and cheap wine.  Tomorrow,  my pals,  is Thanksgiving!

I could eat a Thanksgiving meal 365 days a year without question.  It's my favorite,  especially the way my Mom makes it because no one ever makes it like dear ole' Ma.  I just love getting together and stuffing our guts and having a few laughs.  Usually those laughs involve my Dad somehow because it's always fun to pick on your Dad!! Love ya,  Dad.

The thing that makes me think , though,  is that every year and every Thanksgiving is not guaranteed. Compared to when I was younger,  I've lost two uncles, my Nana,  had an aunt and a sister move away,  currently have an aunt that battles that asshole known as Cancer and my other sister unfortunately,  is very sick with a mental illness that keeps her from her sanity and in turn, keeps her from being able to be around us. It's devastating and it's hard and everyone has hard times,  I'm no worse off than anyone else.  I'm just saying look around this Thanksgiving.

Look around and see who you have beside you and the glorious grub before you and entice new memories and stories.  Be thankful not just on Thanksgiving Day, but vow to be thankful each day.  It's not always easy to do,  especially when things go wrong,  and I hear ya,  I know how that goes.  Every moment that passes,  however, we have a new chance to embrace the thankful-itis and appreciate it.

What are you thankful for?  Seriously,  name five things,  right now,  that you are thankful for and vow to remember them everyday and even add one or two a day. Here are my five:

1. A beautiful and crazy family:)
2. A cozy roof over my head.
3. A job with benefits,  learning opportunities,  and great co-workers.
4. Friends that are nutty like me.
5. My health.

See?  Not that hard to catch the thankful-itis. There's no cure once you catch it,  and it IS possible to spread Thankfulitis to others. So go spread it!!!!

So tonight,  after a quick play in the snow with my husband and son on this fine Thanksgiving Eve,  I vow to give thanks for another holiday I am blessed to see.  You never know when those odd jello
molds and wine will stop showing up or when the turkey could get a little bit smaller.

Love each other and love this insane,  pain in the bum, but pretty bitchin' life that you have in front of your eyes.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all:)

Love, Lauren xoxo

And to my Sister,  Allison,
May you be warm wherever you are and know that we pray for you to overcome this illness.  We
miss you and we love you.  Xoxo

Reasons Not to Hate My Husband

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I want to punch my husband in the head a lot. I'm pretty sure I have even told him I was going to do so on more than one occasion. It's a true story.

I do, however, have many reasons to NOT punch my husband in the head and I like to try and focus on those things instead. Ok...starting today I would like to try and focus on those things instead. Happy now, Zachary? I can see him laughing from here when he reads that. Hardy har har.

Anyway, being married or in a relationship, period, is hard. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't and often times it just sucks. It's so easy to focus on what someone is doing to piss you off instead of what they are doing to keep you happy and that never results in anything good. I find it way easier to yell at my husband than to give him a hug and play nice sometimes and that's not cool. There are many, many reasons that I love the guy and those reasons keep me from doing bodily harm against him when he infuriates me. I'm reminded why I fell in love with him and he stays safe. It's a win, win!!!!

So today, I share reasons to love and not hate. Here goes: 


-He kisses me before I brush my teeth in the morning. Ok, it's gross but it's love.
-He says he's sorry and he says it WAY more than I do. Sorry:(
-He turns on the TV for me so I can sleep at night even though he mumbles about it under his breath.
-He holds my hand when I don't expect it.
-He drives me to work in bad weather because he knows I'm scared. Aaaaaand because he knows I'm more likely to crash the car.
-He lets me watch all my "lame" shows even though he bitches about it.

-He sings to me. Ok it's usually a song unrelated to love and unrelated to me and he sings it loud and crazy ,but he sings.

-He dealt with me being an absolute nutcase while pregnant. No, really...NUT....CASE.

-He watched me push out a human and talked me through every minute.

-He holds back my hair if I'm going to vom.

-He makes sure I don't wear an ugly outfit.

-He surprises me with beer. Oh, and flowers. :)

-He wakes me up to tell me I'm snoring and scaring the neighborhood children.

-He knows better than to ask me what I want for dinner more than twice.

-He always serves me my food first and usually a huge helping 'cuz I likes to eat!

-He always makes me laugh even when I want to throw numb chucks at his groin.

-He lets me hold the remote. Not always, mind you, but it happens.

-He accepts the other love in my life which is napping. I friggin love naps! Oh, and Channing Tatum. 

-He tolerates my inability to understand certain movie plots which leads me to say , " I don't get it."

-He gets up with my son when he knows I want to sleep till at least 8 o'clock.

-He painted my toenails when I was too pregnant to bend over. 

-He buys me tampons.

-He acts totally stupid with me, especially when a sweet jam comes on the radio.

-He reads my blog ( tee he hee).

-He cares about my dreams, even the outlandish ones like becoming a famous singer or actress;).

-He tells me I can when I say I can't. 

-He never gives up on me:):):)

-He always, always says "I love you" even when I know he wants to secretly kill me but he doesn't try because spouses are always the number one suspect. Awww, thanks, honey!

There's a ton of reasons not to hate my husband and those are just some of the fun ones:). The main reason, honestly, is because he puts me before himself without question and that isn't always easy to do. I'm a lot to handle when I get pissy and full of worry so I should probably be nicer sometimes.

 

So, ladies, when you want to hate your husband, try a little harder to remind yourself why you don't. :)

  

The Logan Chronicles : Sleep is for Sissies

Today on The Logan Chronicles,  we discuss Logan's two-day strike against a nap before daycare.  If you have children,  you know or remember how much of a bitch it can be to get your little bugger to take a nap.  My son will literally do everything in his power to avoid giving into the sleep fairies even though most of the fight he puts up is when he's half asleep.

                   Exhibit  A: The Headstand

This move typically occurs when he is absolutely exhausted,  damn near passes out on my chest or crook of my arm (usually on the couch) ,  but then suddenly decides he has sick skills and jumps up to showcase his downward dog while moving his butt up and down.  Think of a drunk person trying to convince themselves they have it in them to dance to one more song or can totally still do a cartwheel or another shot. No...no you can't. Shhhhh, just go to sleep.  

Exhibit B: The Spin and Smile 

I work evenings in a hospital so the ole,  "sleep when the baby sleeps"  is something I attempt to do with my son whenever I'm able.  Once we settle down for a co-nap in Mom and Dad's  bed,  usually we are quick to enter dream land; in the above picture, however, Logan presented one of his other sleep avoidances known as the spin and smile. This pic was taken right after he spun around five times like a puppy, smushed his face into the pillow, and faked like he was sleeping for about 30 seconds. Then, like a jack in a box, he sprung up and smiled. Usually,  his eyes are shut when he does this one because he's so close to caving in to nigh nights.  I find this to be his odd way of trying to convince me he is way too cute to slumber.  Dude,  you are pretty friggin' cute,  but really???! 

There were other fillers in between Logan's antics that were not so cute.  He pulled his own hair,  threw his bottle,  and cried and screamed in protest. I,  too,  then pulled my own hair and cried.  Just take a friggin' nap!  

But then these two thoughts ran through my head: 1. I'd be pissed,  too,  if someone tried to make me nap, and 2. My son was having way more fun doing his headstands and his spin and smiles.  He simply wasn't feelin' a nap and even though there's reprocussions later in the day when he doesn't ( like he can get very grouchy. Duh. ) ,  my kid wanted to play with me instead. Being up and silly was making him happy and I only get a couple hours to play before we head to daycare and work. Not to mention very few years that he's going to even want to choose his Mom over other more exciting things. 

Wow,  did I just really conclude that at least I'm more fun than sleep?  Ehhh..... I don't know what to make of that.  Haha. Anywaaaayyy....    

So today I thank my son,  Logan Michael, for showing me that sometimes we need to say  screw the nap and bring on the toys.  We aren't promised tomorrow so let's have some fun today and sleep later:)  XOXO. 

The Logan Chronicles: The Cardboard Box

On this introductory episode of The Logan Chronicles, picture an adorable one-year-old boy that runs the entire household and takes all your shit.  A boy that wears a smirk and can fake a cry at the drop of a hat and knows when he does something wrong but does it anyway. A boy who I love more than anything in this world and  keeps me on my toes...literally. This little boy is my son.

He is pretty damn funny.

We moved to a new place back in September and, sadly, I had two boxes left full of absolute crap and random ish that I decided to go through today. I got one cleaned out and left the other one to collect more dust for another day; that first one really wiped me out.

Anyway, I gave the empty box to my son thinking he would crawl in it a couple times and get bored like he usually does, but instead...he played in it for over 3 hours. Hip, hip hooray!!!!! Mom can eat some snacks and watch a movie! Right?  Nottttt really. It didn't matter though, he hadn't been feeling well so watching him figure out what to turn this box into was way more fun!

Soon the box became several fun items at once for Logan; a cardboard mountain to sit on with glee,  a pair of bongos to make music on,  a cave,  a sweet hat to wear that made his giggles echo,  and of course: just a simple object to stack another object on so he could tip the top object over.  Naturally. 

Logan made me remember how often I used my insanely fantastic imagination when I was younger and how I was so easily amused.   Then in turn,  I realized how I don't use that imagination nearly enough as an adult and it made me kinda sad,  man.  As kids,  we didn't take life so seriously. We lived each day as it came while turning anything and everything into something fun; in adult terms,  this means we were always positive.  I get down on my hands and knees and play with my son daily and come up with silly voices and games turning myself into a child once more,  but once I stand back up..... I'm an adult again.  When did that happen?  I fear I'll say the same about my son quicker than I'd like. 

So today,  I thank my son, Logan Michael,  for reminding your Mom that sometimes we need to pull out the cardboard box and get creative; we need to forget the negative and embrace the positive and make the best of this messy,  insane life.  XOXO.